My mother was a real character – stubborn, muleheaded, quick to get her “Irish” up, long to hold a grudge, hardworking, creative, feisty, and utterly devoted to her children.
She was adept at reading people and understanding their motives and possessed a devilish sense of humor.
Take Mama’s name, for instance … she was born Mary Lou Cary in November 1930 in the small town of Norrisville, Georgia, the first child of Ellis Irvin Cary and Georgia Belle Coleman. She liked her name until some kids from school started teasing her about it. It seems that there were two women of, umm, ill repute, who lived nearby – a woman named Mary and her daughter Lou. After being laughed at and told repeatedly that she was named after them, Mama decided to change her name somehow. She figured there wasn’t much she could do about “Mary” but she could change the spelling of “Lou”, so ever after she became Mary LUE.
It took Mama three years to finish 1st grade. Not that she was dumb or anything, mind you; she was simply a sickly child and missed a lot of school. Finally her parents sent her to town to live with her grandparents during the week to attend school and she returned home on weekends. And that is how she wound up graduating in 1949 with her sister Nora who was two years younger.
Mama married John Riner Jr right out of high school and their first child, Jo Ann, arrived a mere 9 ½ months later. More children quickly followed and by their 12th anniversary, Jr and Mary Lue were the proud, but struggling, parents of six children. Their oldest son Daniel Allen "Buddy" had died three years earlier at the age of five. The untimely death of their first son threw Jr into a mental and emotional tailspin that eventually resulted in his being institutionalized, a situation that continued on and off for years.
Mama had spent the first twelve years of her marriage taking care of young children, cooking, cleaning, sewing, canning, and gardening. Suddenly, and with no preparation, she was forced to become the family breadwinner. She prepared herself by taking a bookkeeping class at night. While she never got a job as a bookkeeper, the class did give her the confidence to seek a full time job and she was soon hired as a clerk at Darling’s 5&10. While there she discovered a talent for flower arranging and window dressing. Until her retirement decades later, Mama continued to work at various local stores in the floral and greeting cards departments.
Mama had never learned to drive (Daddy didn’t approve), but with him gone, she was forced to learn and tried to teach herself. One day she nervously got into our big old Buick and began to drive in big circles round and round the side yard of our house. My brothers, sisters, and I all gathered at the big picture window in the living room to watch and laugh at her. Mama had driven several erratic circles when she looked up and saw us. Her concentration gone, she promptly lost control, drove through the wire fence surrounding the yard, and plowed right into our house! After that incident, Jo Ann and her husband Richard decided they had better teach her the basics.
We never could figure out how Mama passed the driving test; we think they gave her a license because they figured Miss Mary Lue would be driving anyway, so they might as well make her legal. Mama was never what you would call a good, safe driver. I recall riding with her one day when she had a coughing fit, ran a red light, and got pulled over. When the officer commented on her running the light, Mama replied, “I didn’t run it … I crawled it.” He just shook his head, gave her a warning, and sent us on our way.
Mama believed getting a good education was the best way for her children to have a better life, so she even though some family members had urged her to take the older children out of school so they could work, Mama insisted that we all finish high school and go on to get more schooling. She always pushed us and never seemed satisfied unless we got things perfectly right. We could bring home a 95 average and Mama would say, “Couldn’t you do better?” I suppose she meant that to be encouraging; we just found it annoying and frustrating. Thanks to her influence, though, all four of Mama’s surviving children sought further education: Jo Ann went into nursing, Ammy became a computer programmer, and John followed Daddy into the heating and air business. And while I never finished college, I did attend 2 ½ years. That legacy continues: to date, Mary Lue's grandchildren include six college graduates and others who are continuing their education in one way or another.
One of the most important things Mama taught us is that a mother should Be There for her children. No matter what was going on in our lives – school nights, Cub Scout/Boy Scout/Girl Scout events, concerts, plays, church youth programs, sports – Mama was there to watch and support us. Because of her example, my children, as well as my nieces and nephews, have grown up with mothers who Are There for them, too.
For some reason Mama was incapable of telling us that she was proud of us or that she loved us, although freely she told other people that she did. I guess that was something Mama never heard herself while growing up, so she didn't feel comfortable voicing such feelings. And that is another lesson we learned from Mama, in reverse ... my siblings and I have worked hard to make sure our children know how much we love them and how proud we are of their efforts and accomplishments.
More to follow ….
